We’ve all heard it before: “Get back in the game…you have to put yourself out there!” or “I have a friend of a friend I can set you up with!”
Divorce brings out the relationship experts and matchmakers. Anyone and everyone from your neighbor, colleague, friend or family member will likely offer you (oftentimes unsolicited) “expert” advice as to how and when you should start dating again. I bet you had no idea that you had so many love gurus around you!
Let me start by reminding you to follow your gut, NOT the calendar!
If you type “How long should I wait to start dating after divorce?” into Google, you’ll be slammed with opinions left and right and it can be confusing.
I’m here to tell you to:
When you’re ready, you’re ready. It could be in two months or it could be in two years. Don’t let anyone rush you and don’t try to rush yourself. Conversely, don’t feel guilty if you’re ready to get back out there sooner than expected.
My message to you today is to remind you that you have all the answers inside of you...and regardless of all the well-intentioned love gurus, YOU and YOU alone know when you’re ready.
However, having said that sometimes it is nice to have some exterior validation that ultimately confirms the knowing you have inside which serves to build safety and confidence. To help us boldly move forward and take action on our knowing!
This is the gift I have for you today!
How does the thought of dating make you feel?
If you feel a knot in your stomach…it is probably a good idea to pause. It’s important that you’ve given yourself time to grieve, to heal and to transform. If you will give yourself this gift, you will emerge with personal treasures that will bless you for a lifetime.
If you are struggling with how to heal and transform, I highly recommend that you check out Samba for even more support.
If you’re feeling pretty good about the idea of dating, but desire some confirmation and reassurance to take action...
…Well, the fact that you’re even thinking about it is already a great first step.
Read on for more signs that you’re ready to start looking for toe-tingling love.
3 Ways You Can Validate That You Are Indeed Ready To Start Dating Once Again
- Ex-factor: If you’re able to think of your ex and it doesn't immediately stir up all the feelings of bitterness, rage or sorrow, it’s a good sign that you’ve moved into “neutral” territory. Not thinking about your ex all the time means that you’re mentally ready to begin exploring dating again.
- Excitement: Are you excited at the prospect of meeting new people? Maybe even feeling butterflies? Excellent! This is a major indicator that you’re ready to begin dating. Note: If your excitement is also mixed with a dose of nerves, that’s alright too! Being nervous is completely normal…feelings of dread, being sick to your stomach or being pressured by friends or family are not.
- Everything you need: Have you realized by now that your happiness does not hinge on being with someone else? This may take some time and practice and luckily, we’ve got a LOT of resources to help you on your way.
Once you get to a place of acknowledging that you are responsible for your happiness and you are actually at peace with that, you’ll be ready to open yourself up to someone else again…and truly allow them into your life in a healthier and more meaningful way!
Remember this:
Decided that you’re ready but not sure where to start?
Let’s have you begin by defining your deal breakers before you begin accepting dates. This will help you define your personal boundaries and desires before moving forward. Why is this important? Because we have a tendency as new "daters" to lose sight of what we want to create in a new relationship and can quickly find ourselves trying to please the needs of others in an effort to be liked and attractive.
When we define our boundaries and what is important to us it helps to keep us true to ourselves.
And if you are feeling that you would like to learn more about how to set yourself up for an incredible dating and relationship experience complete with support, love, and encouragement, then you simply must check out SAMBA!
And again I say…there are NO RULES when it comes to love and relationships, just skills…and you are enough to have love and relationships in your life regardless of your past!
Follow your heart, you’re knowing, and your intuition…it knows better than anyone!
AND
Follow the spark that lights you up!
You will know when you’re ready…