By Staci Welch-Bartley
Feeling free to express our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and perspectives is vital to creating and building great relationships. The more we feel safe to express ourselves, the better we feel, and the better the relationship becomes. But what happens when you or your partner feels the need to be right? You find yourselves fighting for those magic two words “YOU’RE RIGHT” when it comes to your feelings, opinions, and decisions. You just can’t seem to let go of your need for others to see things your way.
Consider this…
How bad do you want to be right? I mean, do you want to be right so bad in your relationship that you will sacrifice the relationship all together?
Fight for what is right till the death…and then what?
When we become attached to our partner admitting that we are right, unknowingly, we begin to build an emotional prison around ourselves, which causes separation and loneliness. This happens because we become so focused and committed to what we think is RIGHT that we reject any additional input.
Greater understanding and new possibilities for yourself and your relationship cannot be achieved when this occurs. Most of us believe that the solution for getting out of this prison is to demand and provide undeniable evidence to others so they can see that we are right and they are wrong. We follow up our demands with words and body language that inform those around us that we will reengage in our relationship when they get it through their head that I AM right. We say, “I will be right over here waiting…”
This never works…
Nobody will continue to share with another person when they sense the person they are sharing with is not truly listening, doesn’t care about what is being said, or feels judged for what is being shared. And, the saddest part of all is we don’t give many second chances to share ourselves once we have been shut down. We turn away from our partner filled with feelings of rejection and attempt to carry on in the relationship on our own.
Now both partners are going at it alone in the relationship.
When you find yourself fighting to be RIGHT, do these three things instead:
1. Take a breath and remember that hearing what your partner has to say is not the same as agreeing with their point of view. Open yourself up to allowing them to share their thoughts and opinions, just as you enjoy sharing yours.
2. Truly listen! Don’t pretend that you are just so you can say you did and go back to your opinion of what you think is RIGHT. If we allow ourselves to truly listen, oft times our opinion about what is right will change and expand to include parts of your partners input and everybody wins.
3. Don’t fight to be right, fight to understand, and to be understood. To do this, one must take down their defenses, ask questions, and listen to what is being shared. There is no RIGHT, there is just what works.
Listen
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why
I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
…
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes,
for some people – because God is mute,
and he doesn’t give advice or try
to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work
it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute
for your turn – and I will listen to you.
- Author Unknown
Let go of your need to be right; don’t create a relationship of being alone! I invite you to instead seek connection sharing, and understanding even though it may be frustrating at first.
Most of all…seek to LOVE and be loved, for nothing else really matters.
