We’ve all been hurt before. If there is one thing we ALL have in common, it’s the simple fact that we have all felt hurt, rejected, disappointed or scared at one point in time. This is an undeniable truth.
And what quickly follows with these types of experiences are strong feelings that tend to close us off to others as we vow to “never trust again!”
We correlate the act of trust or putting faith in another person with never being disappointed or getting hurt again EVER…
If we DO feel pain or rejection or any of the other undesirable feelings, we feel the painstaking emotions of broken trust all over again. It is this fear of betrayal is what keeps us from letting go and trusting others.
So, what are we supposed to do once we’ve become victim to the “never again” self-protection mentality?
Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.” Sounds ridiculously simplistic, right?
The fact of the matter is, it IS that hard and yet simple. What you need first and foremost is the courage to trust again, practice to feel more comfortable, and time to heal and move on.
Courage: Courage is strength in the face of fear or pain. This may come as a surprise to you but courage is a SKILL and it can be developed!
Practice: As with anything, practice makes perfect. The more opportunities you take to practice trusting, the greater your ability to have faith in others will be.
Time: Time is required for us to learn something new, create new beginnings, contemplate ourselves and ask questions to understand others more intimately, and to reconcile our fears.
There is no magic wand that will allow you to immediately trust again. Give yourself permission to take the time you need to work on re-learning skills that will last a lifetime. However, keep in mind that while time may heal wounds, it doesn’t restore trust. Trust is a choice.
“Trust waits for your permission and not for time.”
Suzie Johnson
It may seem like an impossible task at first, but if you make a conscious effort to practice developing the trust within yourself. You can discover that your experience was not wrong and instead look for the value from it; and then to use this experience to develop your confidence in yourself to figure things out as you go.
Well my friend, it is then you can then step in and love as big as you desire!
This is the change in you that WILL happen and much to your surprise, you will find yourself experiencing a sense of gratitude for this supposed mistake/misfortune.
If you’re still not convinced, think of the alternative. Would you rather remain isolated and alone in an effort to protect your fears and feelings for the rest of your life?
A life without companionship and love? Even if you can convince yourself that you could be content like without love and deep connection, would it be the most meaningful and fulfilling existence possible for you?
Remember this: What you spend most of your time thinking about becomes your reality. Is it going to be your fears of past relationships?
I want you to know that you have the power to create your own path, and, yes, to deeply love another again!
If you are ready to open yourself up again but need a little support, we are here for you!
At Lease On Love, we have a practice we call CPT…
CPT is an effective remedy for not letting your fears of intimacy and commitment run AND ruin your relationship. And, it is simple and easy to do with a little practice.
CPT is kind of like CPR in that both remedies will revive you and bring you back to life…and LOVE!
Get all the details here, and begin building the trust within YOU!
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
Maya Angelou
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“Oh my god, I’m alone. ALONE.”
“I’m single…I haven’t been single in years; I don’t even know how to be single anymore!”
“I’m a failure, what’s wrong with me?”
Dating After Divorce: Do You Find Yourself Asking: Who Am I?
Does any of this sound familiar? I know when I found myself single after 13 years of marriage, I sure felt this way.
Whether it was a long time coming or a complete surprise, divorce is sure to stir up some major feelings. It’s completely natural to feel panicked once the dust settles. After all, you’re beginning a new chapter in your life and change, even when welcomed, can bring anxiety caused by uncertainty.